Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
