I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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