If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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