What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
