I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
