Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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