Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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