i just had sex bonerless
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You pole danced in your parka.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
