i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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