I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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