Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
