dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
