Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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