I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize