You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
