i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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