Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
