do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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