If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
