This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
