So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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