Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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