Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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