I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
