dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
