This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
