Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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