I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
