You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
