You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
