I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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