whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
