You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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