Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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