TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
