you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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