Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
