She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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