I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
