dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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