All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
