I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
