I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont even know how to be here
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
