And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
