well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
