he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
