wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
