: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
