Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
