Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
