so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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