and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think your dad took our porno
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
