Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
