so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
