I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
