I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
