Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
