there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
