Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
