Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
