But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
