I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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