So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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