She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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