honey bunches of taint.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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