No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
